Interracial Dating

Reflection on Janan and Jill's presentations regarding interracial dating

Jenna'a presentation focused on the challenges and rewards that come with raising multiracial children.

In this entry, I want to share my thoughts on why couples choose to enter into interracial relationships in the first place.

Interracial dating poses many dilemmas anhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifd difficulties. Couples of different races encounter hostility both by members of a majority culture and by members of their own ethnic communities (Tell the Court I Love My Wife, by Peter Wallenstein). The politics of interracial dating opens doors to much discussion and reflection.

First, interracial relationships are very complicated. To try to have an in-depth and honest conversation about interracial dating requires an ability to go beyond cliches of "Love sees no color" as well as charges of selling out the race and desiring white privilege or minority exoticism through interracial relationships. While white men dating women of color are going to find less societal censure, people of color dating another person across racial lines may find quite a bit of disapproval from within their ethnic communities and the general public.

Second, it is rare to make dating decisions based on pure politics. People may have preferences about whom they can and want to date: physical features, inner qualities, religion, interests, educational level, race, etc. However, the reality is that finding someone you truly connect with is very challenging. We place so many demands on our life partner. We expect them to be our soul mates, our best friends, the models for our children, the representative union of our families, and the general public face to our personal commitment. This is asking A LOT. Can a person choose who to fall in love with? No and yes. One probably cannot help who one is attracted to and who one falls in love with, but for some people, the social pressure and stigma may be too great and the frames around life partner qualities become fixed. However, should we work against these ingrained tendencies of wanting white privilege or desiring exotic children? Nicole Sprinkle in "A Child of Two Worlds" appears very inconsiderate at times. For me, I think it is a good idea to be as open minded as possible about one's life partner.

I once knew a man who was adamant about marrying a Jewish, white woman. I met the same man when I returned to Boston last December and he is happily married to a woman he loves. She is African American and Christian. While I know the couple will face many dilemmas in choosing how to raise their interracial, interfaith children, I am happy that my friend had found a woman he loves and that he became flexible in altering some of his former convictions based on true love.

I believe that consenting adults should be free to love whomever they choose. This is true love and love that lasts, love that unifies, love that stabilizes society. To tell people that they are sell-outs or bananas or Uncle Toms or coconuts because they are in an interracial relationship is unproductive and discriminative.